A girl and her grandmother.

A traditional villa in rural Bengal flashes across Binodini’s memory. It is a large, expansive double-storey mansion with high ceilings and marble floors. Tall circular pillars support the structure.

Little Binu of 10 years is running across the balcony. It is that time of the day when her grandmother tells her stories. Binu slips into a big room that opens onto the balcony. Binu’s Dadi, a widow in her 60s, is sitting on an old-style high cot. She is cutting betel nuts with a slicer. Dadi smiles on seeing Binu. Binu hops onto the cot, excited to listen to another tale from her grandmother. As Dadi narrates the story, Binu’s eyes widen with amazement. She is absorbed in the adventures of Bankim Babu when her mother interrupts them for lunch.

Adjusting her ghomta, Binu’s mother enters with rice and some vegetables. Binu watches as Dadi shifts to the floor. Binu is puzzled. Why doesn’t her Dadi eat fish, mutton, and prawns like the rest of them? Why does she eat separately, sitting on the floor? Dadi laughs at Binu’s inexperience: this is what a vidhwa does. Binu is even more confused. What is a vidhwa? But before Binu could get answers, her mother scolds her and sends her off to lunch.

*

Listening to her grandmother’s stories was part of Binu’s daily routine. Her Dadi had an endless stock of mythical and literary stories. After completing her homework, Binu came to her Dadi, enjoying every word of the stories that her Dadi narrated. There was an unlikely bond between Dadi and Binu—one a 60-year-old widow, the other a bubbly 10-year-old girl.

On the day of Dol or Holi, Binu was thrilled about playing with colours in the courtyard. Her elder brother, her parents, her uncle, her aunt, all her cousins: everyone was there to play Holi with her. Binu was so excited that she went to the stable and put a little colour on the white cow as well. No one was to be left without aabir on Holi. But Dadi, where was Dadi?

Filled with excitement, Binu filled her two little hands with aabir and ran up to her Dadi’s room. Her Dadi was sitting on the floor, her back towards the door. Binu tip-toed inside the room and smeared her Dadi’s cheeks with red powder.

Dadi was shocked. She shrieked and pushed Binu away. Dadi’s reaction stunned Binu: why wasn’t her Dadi happy to play Holi with her? Dadi was weeping and trembling as she took a gamchha and wiped her face. All the while, she asked Lord Krishna for forgiveness.

Soon, everyone rushed into Dadi’s room, their festivities interrupted by her screams. Looking at what had happened, Binu’s mother pulled Binu by the ear and slapped her hard twice: Binu had committed a great sin. Unwittingly, she had corrupted the purity of the person that she loved the most. Binu broke into sobs; regret and confusion mingled with sorrow.

Later that night, Binu’s Dadi called the little one to her room. In a grave voice, Dadi informed Binu that widows were not supposed to play Holi because they didn’t have husbands. They were not allowed to touch or apply any colour on themselves. They could not even wear coloured clothes. It was a tradition that could not be broken.

Binu was not convinced. She recalled the story of Dadi’s wedding. Her Dadi had first been married to Lord Narayan. And God never dies. So how could Dadi be a widow if her husband was alive? Binu was genuinely confused. Dadi sighed on listening to Binu’s naïve reasoning. The adult world did not operate this way.

Time went by, and Binu began entering this adult world herself. She grew up listening to countless tales, but she listened again and again to the stories of Kalidas—Meghadootam and Kumarasambhavam— the stories of Radha and Krishna, and Jaydeb’s Geet Govindam.

As Binu reached her teens, she began seeing herself as the protagonist of these stories. She was inspired by the writings of Tagore, Sarat Chandra & Bankim Chandra Chatterjee. Apart from literature and mythology, Binu also learned how to stand up for what was right and how to fight for it too. Examples of Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar and Raja Ram Mohan Roy were two great sources of motivation for her.

Before long, Binu began arguing with her mother over the strange bias against her Dadi. She protested against the insensitive traditions that shackled widows. She couldn’t bear her Dadi’s social neglect and needless suffering. Binu’s relentless questioning was met with irritated replies that only left her more frustrated. Even so, she realized that she was too young to make any real change happen. She thought to herself, perhaps she could do something once she was older.

And older she did get, transforming into a beautiful, young woman. At 22, soon after her graduation, she married a man from an affluent family in Calcutta. Though they were not as rich as Binu’s family, the groom’s family shared similar traditional values and Binu’s husband was well-educated, running the family’s business of textile trading. Before leaving for her marital home, Binu went up to her Dadi’s room to seek her blessings. Her Dadi kissed her on the forehead and wished her the very best.

Binu bent down to touch her Dadi’s feet, but the lady quickly withdrew, admonishing Binu for touching a widow’s feet. Instead, Dadi hugged Binu, tears rolling down her cheeks. As they parted, Dadi handed Binodini a small idol of Krishna as a wedding gift. “Gopal thakur ki roj puja karna, kabhi apne se alag nahi karna,” Dadi advised her lovingly. Binu promised that she would pray to Lord Krishna every day.

Glossary:

ghomta: a veil worn by some married women in India

vidhwa: a widow

gamchha: a towel made of coarse cotton, often with a check pattern

Photography: Jassi Oberai

Location: Vrindavan, Mathura, India