A Message from Maa

Music or Noise?

Sagorika found herself identifying more and more with her mother. Estranged from her husband, in a stranger’s land, Sagorika was a young Mohona. Could she do what her mother had done to find happiness? But what had her mother really done?

“Anupam came like a breath of fresh air at that juncture of my life. He gave me attention, Sara. That’s all. He would discuss literature and music with me, something that Sameer never did. He would listen to me whenever I sang and admired my talent. He would even write poems for me and recite them to me in voice as soft as a whisper. Coming from him, these poems felt like best-sellers that he had written just for me. I hoped that the world would never know about them, or about us. And yet, I found myself thinking of Sameer, even as I savoured Anupam’s company.

Even though Sameer never bothered about my desires or wishes, he was a responsible husband and a loving father. On the other hand, Anupam filled a void in my life. I found him intellectually stimulating more than anything else. As time went by and I kept meeting and knowing Anupam, I realised that I had fallen in love with him.”

Mohona’s confession came like a blow to Sagorika. She was expecting it, but still, reading it directly in her mother’s words felt unreal. She could not wait to find out how her mother had navigated this love without any of them coming to know.

Some months after meeting Anupam, Mohona came to know that her Guruji had passed away. She was extremely attached to her Guru and decided to go to Varanasi to pay her condolences to the bereaved family. Mohona asked Anupam to accompany her, and he agreed.

In Varanasi, Mohona was shocked to know that her Guruji had left his wife, her Guru Ma, some years ago and married another woman who was much younger to him. Sitting at the ghats that evening, Mohona felt sad. She had been betrayed by a personal hero. She spoke to Anupam about the transience of life and its futility. Anupam understood her sentiments and all of a sudden proposed marriage to her, knowing fully well that they were both already married to different people.

Avoiding his gaze, Mohona clarified that she did love him but was unwilling to take such a bold step. Anupam insisted: she was his life now. He just wanted to give their love a sanctity. She wouldn’t have to leave Sameer and Sagorika. The afterglow of twilight lent an irresistible sincerity to Anupam’s proposal. Before her was the Ganga, a witness of this proposal. Its rippling waters seemed to purify their love for each other. The sound of the evening aarti fell on Mohona’s ears like a benediction. Were these the signs of a blessed union?

Mohona was still in a dilemma. She was very much in love with Anupam, but her conscience was gnawing at her heart. She asked for some time to decide before she could finally respond to Anupam’s proposal.

Mohona tossed and turned that whole night. Her heart wanted to marry Anupam, but her mind gave a thousand reasons against the union. Getting up early, she sat at the ghats and kept thinking. The same Ganga that had supported Anupam’s proposal the previous evening, now lay like an indifferent watery expanse, unresponsive to Mohona’s pleas for clarity. The morning aarti failed to fill Mohona with inner peace. The whole day passed, yet she couldn’t make a decision.

In the evening, Mohona sat in a park and watched a couple play with their little daughter. Playing hide-and-seek, the mother hid herself from the daughter behind a bush. Not able to find her mother, the little girl felt scared and started crying. The mother came out, hugged the little girl and pacified her. Seeing that, Mohona finally found the answer that she had been seeking.

She politely refused Anupam’s proposal. She couldn’t think of detaching herself from her family, even though she loved Anupam a lot.

Anupam understood. He didn’t insist, and both of them returned to Mumbai the next day.